Diamond Hooks

I’ve been thinking about how to ensure Hyperpiratechainization. Within this context, it recently struck me as interesting that Christianity, essentially a hard fork of Judaism, was able to acquire the most market share in the religious space — nearly 2.4 billion people; more than 30% dominance. So what was the initial condition or seed value that ensured Christianity would spread like a laboratory-enhanced coronavirus? After some digging into the matter, I came across an absolute gangster by the street name Ramsay MacMullen. From his work, I have been able to distill the viral nature of Christianity into two factors: (1) maximalism and (2) evangelism.

Maximalism = Shield
means that in order to be part of a gang, one needs to disassociate from all other gangs. Maximalism effectively acts as a defensive tool like a shield. This factor has helped the Jewish, Christian, and Muslim religions survive over time while many other pagan cults have withered away. It may seem obvious that — in order to be a Muslim, one cannot also be a Christian and vice versa — but this wasn’t always the case throughout religious history. For example, you could be raised in a home that really likes Zeus, come across Hyperion, and add him to your superhero roster (MacMullen, 1984). In the language of epidemiology, maximalism leads to a lower recovery rate — which is much good; you want people to stay infected.

Evangelism = Sword
The Christians use sundry methods of persuasion, and invent a number of terrifying incentives. Above all, they have concocted an absolutely offensive doctrine of everlasting punishments and rewards.
— Celsus, On The True Doctrine

Evangelism, or the zealous advocacy of a cause, lies within the inner logic of Christianity. Evangelism effectively acts as an offensive tool like a sword. In a nutshell, early Christianity states that the end is near, and those that do not repent are doomed. Therefore, any adherent of this religion has a strong incentive to convert (and therefore save) his fellow men, women, and genderfluids alike. The idea of an imminent judgment day is the forcing function for evangelism (MacMullen, 1983). In the language of epidemiology, evangelism leads to a higher contagion rate — which is much good; you want to infect as many people as possible.

The case could be made that Christianity and Islam would be even more dominant today in a free market of ideas. Many countries, including China and India, make it a state policy to try and thwart the growth of Christianity and Islam. India decided to isolate a decent portion of their population into a quarantine zone called Pakistan; China is actively sending Muslims and Christians into concentration camps. Ultimately, these measures will fail because religions tend to outlive states.

Maximalism + Evangelism = Maxigelism
Mathematically, it makes perfect sense that maxigelist religions dominated over time while paganism has largely disappeared. Suppose that two missionaries, one promoting cult A and the other promoting cult B, go after a village of 10,000 pagans[1]. The difference between cult A and cult B is that cult A is maxigelist — it demands that you drop all other beliefs not contained within cult A. Further suppose that both of these missionaries are equally successful and get half the pagans on board. The net result is that cult A has gained 5,000 people while losing no one — the other 5,000 are still up for grabs potentially. Moreover, cult B did not really experience any growth — the cult B followers still follow all their other previous superstitions and maintain their previous superhero rosters; they are still just ordinary filthy pagan goyim. The power of maxigelism becomes abundantly clear after a number of equally successful missions — the maxigelists just keep eating away market share.

Phaedo pull request
The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.
— H.P. Lovecraft

Christianity was the first successful religion to become maxigelist because of hell. Judaism, on the other hook, doesn’t have a hell, which creates different incentives. The Hebrew whitepaper states that humans were originally made from the dust and that is where they return upon death (Genesis 2:7). It was only later, by the time Jesus rolled around, that some Jews had apocalyptic views — Jesus was an apocalyptic Jew. It was this later sense of urgency that guaranteed a hard fork; early Christians were eager to try and save mankind (including the filthy pagan goyim) from imminent apocalypse.

Over time, it became obvious that Jesus wasn’t coming back any time soon, though Christianity continued to spread amongst the filthy pagan goyim throughout the Roman Empire. Yet, Christians were also aware of Plato’s work, in particular Phaedo, where he makes the case for an eternal soul. It was the perfect pull request to save Christianity; everyone has a judgment day when they die — eternal bliss or eternal torment. Interestingly, a bit later there was also a similar pull request (4 Maccabees 9:8–9), originally written in Greek, which tried to incorporate hell into Judaism. However, the Jewish repository was too ossified by that point for the Phaedo pull request to be merged.

Suppose you have property in Los Angeles and someone you trust told you that the city will soon be engulfed in flames. It would be natural for you to consider getting fire insurance — and encouraging your friends who also have property there to get fire insurance as well. That’s essentially what Christianity is — fire insurance.

bitcoin = Judaism
Like the Hebrews, bitcoiners (the logical ones at least) demand maximalism in this new era of countless shitcoin paganism. However, they are not interested in growth. In fact, they support certain positions that are explicitly against onboarding as many people as quickly as possible. Like Judaism, the bitcoin community is missing the terrifying incentive that made Christianity evangelistic. Judaism had no answer for the apocalypse and bitcoin has no answer for the impending surveillance state.

The Jews (and Muslims) also sacrificed growth, quite literally, in forbidding the consumption of pork. Studies have found that protein consumption — including quality protein like pork — leads to a taller stature (Grasgruber & Hrazdíra, 2020). This sort of logic not only works within one generation but across multiple generations as nurture seeps into DNA. The reason why people from the Dinaric Alps tend to be so tall is because their ancestors had access to some of the best protein out there: mammoth. There can be no question that Barron Trump, thanks to his Dinaric mother, has an abundance of Y haplogroup I-M170 — and also an abundance of R1b-U106 thanks to his father.

One could argue that the forbidding of pork consumption was a conservative move historically. Since the plebeians were even filthier than they are today, the chances of catching a virus was quite high. Likewise, one could argue that having a small block size limit is a conservative move. Since small blocks lower the cost of running a full node, the tendency towards relative centralization is lowered — but small blocks are nevertheless anti-growth. It is better to have a network with billions of users and millions of nodes versus a network with thousands of users and thousands of nodes. It is the absolute number of independent nodes that matters. Forbidding the consumption of pork is also anti-growth in terms of limiting the size of your potential community. No wonder Christianity is the most dominant religion — bacon much good.

Pecunia non olet

The biggest threat to humanity in the 2020s is the surveillance state. We don’t appreciate how much of a threat the surveillance state is because we have never dealt with anything similar — there is no base rate. It starts off with good intentions (e.g., smart lamps that detect if you have a fever) and quickly accelerates into a force that no one can control. The surveillance state has the potential to wipe out all of humanity in an instant. We may keep our physical bodies, but our humanity will be stripped.

What if the government decides that it doesn’t like a certain minority — such as the millions of Uyghurs in China? The risk isn’t just certain groups being deleted — the larger threat is the potential for the surveillance state to turn the entire world into a concentration camp. More broadly, the global social credit system will be brought about by a symbiotic relationship between states and corporations. In a nutshell, government go BRRR in exchange for information — no consent necessary. Corporations like Alphabet, Meta, Alibaba, and Tencent can already infer a lot about you — and a government agency armed with all of their data simultaneously has the potential to completely oppress.

In a world quickly accelerating towards total surveillance everywhere and in everything — the race against a global social credit system is well under way. Bitcoin — a fully mapped out chain — will do nothing to alleviate this predicament. Already there exist several well-funded companies that are hard at work de-anonymizing radically transparent blockchains — bitcoin much smell. Bitcoin got more records than the KGB — it is a cypherpunk debauchery. At this point, bitcoin is a game of bingo gone horribly wrong.

Pirate Chain = Christianity

Bitcoiners don’t have an incentive to believe in the coming surveillance state. In fact, they have a disincentive because it directly undermines their radically transparent chain. In the past, fortunes were made in the extraction of oil. The new oil is data — governments and corporations want to extract as much of it as possible. But you don’t have to go along; you can choose to be sovereign — Pirate Chain no smell.

Many haters will claim that Pirate Chain is just for criminals. This is prejudice — block chains matter. What makes Pirate Chain unique is its purity. Each cybercoin, each commitment, is unblemished. One cybercoin is perfectly interchangeable with another — they are all clean. Thanks to state-of-the-art zero-knowledge proofs, every ARRR is just as innocent as another. No other asset comes close to providing the same level of pure nobility and cleanliness. Every arrrtoshi is a virgin.

Christianity conceptualized itself as a coherent system — so that everything outside of the religion was a competing system. Our worldview follows the same framework:

The social credit system is already operational in China — with many other Leviathans throughout the world quickly looking to follow suit. It would be incredibly irresponsible for us to not spread the solution — Pirate Chain is fire insurance. Some bitcoiners want you to think that bitcoin will get fungibility, but they are smoking crack — bitcoin too ossified. Judaism didn’t get hell and bitcoin won’t get privacy. PERIOD.

Diamond Hooks
For many are called, but few chosen.
— Jesus, Matthew 22:14

The sea to Hyperpiratechainization will be navigated by a squadron of fit maxigelist hodlers — known formally as diamond hooks. Fit, because it is proof one is not indulging in high time-preference carbohydrate consumption. There is some hard scientific evidence that being fit was also encouraged in the religious space. For example, in the Islamic version of hell — known as jahannam — there is a narrow bridge called As-Sirāt that one must pass over to reach paradise, but those destined for hell will find the bridge too narrow and fall into hell. Clearly, the ancient Islamic scholars — praise be upon them — were referring to the likes of Kim Jong-un and fluffypony.

An understated fact about the early purpose of religion was health — physical bodily health — and everything that revolved around it such as rain, crops, and food (MacMullen, 1981). Leading by example via being fit and restricting our carbohydrate consumption in an era where every other person is obese will help us attract followers. Diamond hooks will spread the word of Hyperpiratechainization and prevent billions of people from being subjected to a social credit system. In the language of epidemiology, diamond hooks will increase the force of infection, or the rate at which the plebeians acquire Pirate Chain.

The concept of jihad is also relevant to the diamond hooks. One must first conquer their inner jihad — the struggle against one’s own base impulses — in order to wage external jihad (on those filthy pagan goyim). It is no coincidence that the Islamic scholars — praise be upon them — consider inner jihad to be of greater significance (Bonner, 2006). At its core, the concept of an inner jihad boils down to a marshmallow test — a test of self-control that correlates to success (Mischel, 2014). In the context of the diamond hooks, inner jihad consists of having a strict diet, running a full node, frequently reading the whitepaper (while shuckling), acquiring more cybercoin over time, refraining from trading or doing “technical” analysis (astrology for men), onboarding merchants to the ARRRmada, and hodling in cold storage.

When Jesus spit biblical rhymes on the mount, he too talked about the marshmallow test in the form of two gates that one could go through in life. One gate was wide and led to an easy path; the other gate was narrow and led to a difficult path. Most people, according to Jesus, unfortunately took the easy path which led to their ruin (Matthew 7:13–14). There can be no question that taking back your sovereignty is the hard path, but you must remember the alternative is destruction. Those who procure Pirate Chain shall be part of the kingdom of God in the post-fiat world. More importantly, those who remain shitcoin pagans or bitcoin Jews will risk burning in the eternal flames of the surveillance state.

The New Testament urges believers to speak the gospel clearly, fearlessly, graciously, and respectfully whenever an opportunity presents itself, incumbent upon a commitment to hold and revere God as the center of their lives (Colossians 4:2–6; Ephesians 6:19–20; 1 Peter 3:15). Diamond hooks will speak the gospel of Hyperpiratechainization in the same fashion so long as they hodl commitments and revere Pirate Chain as the center of their lives. A strong diamond hook doesn’t need to read the future, he makes his own.

Pirate Chain R0 > bitcoin R0
Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. But how can they call upon one in whom they have not believed! And how can they believe if they have not heard? And how can they hear without one who preaches?
— St. Paul, Romans 10:13–15

One of the OG Christian evangelists was St. Paul — a pharisaic Jew who saw that Christ was the fulfillment of Judaism — of everything that God had planned and revealed within the Jewish scriptures. Needless to say, it’s extremely obvious that Pirate Chain is the fulfillment of Satoshi Nakamoto as revealed in the bitcoin whitepaper. St. Paul did not waste his time trying to convert his fellow Jews. Instead, St. Paul went after filthy goyim in densely populated areas (Ehrman, 2018). Nearly all of the early Christians came from goy stock. Likewise, diamond hooks will not bother trying to convert bitcoiners. Instead, diamond hooks will focus on shitcoiners, primarily of the fiat variety — that pool is much larger and far more receptive. If bitcoiners cared about privacy, they would no longer be bitcoiners.

It’s important that we talk about Pirate Chain at every opportunity — advertizing works. This one time I had sex (with a female) — I came in her vagina (with my penis). Afterwards, she went to clean herself with a napkin; she said I jizzed a lot. Anyway, the napkin was from {an unspecified doughnut shop} — it had the {an unspecified doughnut shop} logo on it. A few moments later, she said she was hungry and was in the mood for {an unspecified doughnut shop}. Ultimately, it was me who broke up with her due to her high time-preference propensity to consume carbohydrates. Now, she think about me while gråtrunka. Nevertheless, the point stands: advertizing works. @piratechain $ARRR

The early proponents of Christianity were mocked, and so were their followers. Diamond hooks must be prepared for this. Diamond hooks will not waste time with carbohydrate consuming scribblers in ivory towers whose job it is to defend the fiat system of endless inflation and surveillance — we will bring the gospel of Hyperpiratechainization directly to the masses. Diamond hooks will turn those who would have gone on to become a bunch of soy boy plebeians hoping to increase their social credit score into those with strong hooks that do not need a rating. Some will unfortunately jump back into fiat after a tiny profit; I find their lack of faith disturbing. The infidels must be swiftly excommunicated. In the language of epidemiology, a superspreader is someone who infects an unexpectedly large number of people. Diamond hooks will effectively act as hyperspreaders of Hyperpiratechainization.

Money > Barter
Never confuse shit with chocolató. They may look the same — but the taste — very different. Trust me, I know.
— Paolo Gucci

Money is, by definition, the most liquid (“saleable”) good (Menger, 1892). The flaccid vegetarians assume they have the moral high ground by denouncing maximalism. In reality, they are filthy pagan goyim promoting a barter system. Meatspace money evolved from many different commodities competing to be money, to fewer commodities, and ultimately, to just gold and silver. This same evolution will unfold in the cybercoin space. From a game theory perspective, we want all other cybercoin communities to embrace paganism — this way they will get rekt. However, our community must embrace maxigelism. This is the only way for us to survive and thrive. I ran the numbers.

Back in the day, almost every filthy pagan goy was familiar with torture, which was temporary even if deadly. Christianity pushed the envelope with the concept of eternal torture. Today, almost every filthy shitcoin soygoy is familiar with some form of surveillance — like the TSA touching just the tip. Diamond hooks must push the envelope by pointing out the coming surveillance state. It’s no longer just about governments handing out townhouses to random pedophiles in exchange for royal sex tapes — that’s totally insignificant compared to the whole world potentially being turned into a Uyghur concentration camp.

Sociologically, Christianity was a spicy meatball. The Romans were pissed off because Christians were basically harder to identify Jews, and the Jews were pissed off because their shit was plagiarized. Pirate Chain is a similar phenomenon. It pisses off the state because, like bitcoin, it has the potential to disrupt fiat money — except it cannot be traced. This pisses off the bitcoiners because they know, deep down inside of their self-identified genitalia, that Pirate Chain has a key monetary characteristic which bitcoin does not — fungibility. Pirate Chain is not in danger. 𝗣𝗜𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗘 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗜𝗡 𝙄𝙎 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗗𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗥! ☠

Works Cited

Bonner, M. (2006). Jihad in Islamic History. Princeton University Press.

Ehrman, B. (2018). The Triumph of Christianity. Simon & Schuster.

Grasgruber, P., & Hrazdíra, E. (2020). Nutritional and socio-economic predictors of adult height in 152 world populations. Retrieved from ScienceDirect: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ehb.2020.100848

MacMullen, R. (1984). Christianizing the Roman Empire. Yale University Press.

MacMullen, R. (1981). Paganism in the Roman Empire. Yale University Press.

MacMullen, R. (1983). Two Types of Conversion to Early Christianity. Brill.

Menger, C. (1892). On the Origin of Money. Oxford University Press.

Mischel, W. (2014). The Marshmallow Test. Little, Brown and Company.

[1] The term pagan comes from the Latin term paganus — meaning a person who resides in the countryside. The pagans were late adopters to Christianity by their rural nature.



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Shielded tardigrade (with a diamond hook). she/him. z2z buccaneer. piratechain CEO.